not sure… just ugh.

Well, I’m not really sure what to write here right now. I just feel so ugh about myself. I’m so tired of feeling lazy and lethargic. Once again, I’ve let myself slip from doing what I should be doing. I’ve stopped jogging, I’ve stopped lifting weights, I’ve stopped trying. It just reminds me of how weak I am, and how easily I can fail if I let myself. I’m tired of it. I want to be a better person, for myself, and for everyone close to me. Its just so frustrating to be doing so good for a while, then just quitting completely. I hate it!

So, really this blog post isn’t because I want you to feel sorry for me, its because I need to voice how I feel, and because I want to make a promise to everyone. I promise I’m going to start again, and I’m going to stick with it, no matter how much I hate it or don’t want to do it. What I really need is accountability. I suck at holding myself accountable, and I know it. I need people to push me, and hold me totally accountable for what I’m promising right now. I’ve already started tonight and I feel great. I’m working on this post between weight lifting and running. I’m going to at least do it every other day until my body gets used to it again.

Anyway, I just wanted to vent my frustration with myself and to be able to hold myself accountable by looking at this post. All I have to say to myself is… JUST DO IT! :)

One Hundred Pushups

Well, today I made a decision… even though I’ve known about the site for quite a while, and tried to do it once before, I’m starting tomorrow doing the One Hundred Pushups challenge. Lately I’ve been wondering why I live like this, lazy, not doing anything, and just letting myself get more lethargic. I’m tired of it and I want a change, so this is one of the ways I’m going to do it.

I’m posting here not for self validation, but for accountability. I want people to know I’m doing it and hold me accountable. I’ve also setup a logger page to help me and everyone interested keep track of my progress and if I’m sticking with it. If you’d like to follow me through this challenge, then please go to my logger page and check it out. I’ve already updated with my inital exaustion test, which didn’t make me feel that great about myself, but the point is to work at it and get better, so I will.

I encourage anyone reading this who has though about doing this to start with me and let me know. If you’d like, we can hold eachother accountable for it, its going to be hard for me to do this by myself and I know it. Anyway, I’ll keep updating my logger every day, and hopefully see some results!

Recent Downtime

Well, as most of you might have noticed, my blog has been down for a bit. My server got comprimised through Apache and I had to shut it down until I could take the time to figure everything out. I’ve found out how it was comprimised and have taken care of it. That’s all I have to say for now, just wanted to let everyone know what’s been going on.